I saw memories of my past being replayed in my head.
I was seeing myself through the eyes of something else.
And as I looked at myself through these eyes,  I was sad to see that I wasn’t smiling when I could have been. I saw myself fighting so hard for life. 
Then it was like I watched myself again in my memories but this time experiencing the same moments with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.
And at that moment I understood….the eyes looking at me were sad because they knew I could choose that and I wasn’t.

I saw memories of my past being replayed in my head.

I was seeing myself through the eyes of something else.

And as I looked at myself through these eyes,  I was sad to see that I wasn’t smiling when I could have been. I saw myself fighting so hard for life. 

Then it was like I watched myself again in my memories but this time experiencing the same moments with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

And at that moment I understood….the eyes looking at me were sad because they knew I could choose that and I wasn’t.

Its like I wrote a story in pen I couldn’t  erase just like the tracks in the mud i’d left that lead to the places i’d been in pain.

All I wanted was to be OK but I turned to the world instead of the other way.

Nothing here could fill me up. I was empty. And empty I would stay. Till I turned and cast the other away.  

What’s hard in life isn’t the struggles we are faced with….its realizing we don’t have to struggle. We have a choice. “To keep looking up, even when the skies get rough”

All that surrounds me is waiting to be seen, not with my eyes but with my heart and soul. Nothing my eyes can see will fill me. What I see with my eyes just helps me understand why it is that way.

" And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find” <3
— Jason Mraz

Lets go be love.

I don’t want to be in love, I want to be love.

Maybe I can’t in this world. I’m  limited by my mind. I’m separated by my body.

But I am the roots the dirt. That is what the source of life has given me…petals.

Petals that see the darkness but choose to lean towards the sun and look towards the stars.

I will remember what is was like to be grown in love.

Then I will go be.

Meet yourself.

See yourself the way the world does.

Move forward with smiles and hope and joy within.

The past is behind and now take hold of the pen.

Write love and strength and laughs.

Carry on in the world carefree.

Keep walking.

And ill be there to wipe every tear you cry and give you a blanket that wraps himself around you tight.

I will give you what you need.

Just keep walking.

Embrace the love around you and be grateful.

When there is pain, cling harder to your faith.

Laugh like you used to. And smile because there is no reason not to.